Sunday, July 22, 2012

Giving You Every Fuck I Can Feel, Sunday Reflections Post

"I'm living in a world of ghetto life. Everyone seems so uptight."

There's this old song by En Vogue called "Giving Him Something He Can Feel." The song expresses a young woman in love with a man, but people saying she's way too young for that. However, she persists to express every damn feeling she has about him. However, she's not expressing her feelings toward this man to shut people up. It's not being done solely for him either. She's giving him something he can feel because it makes her feel good too. It makes her feel great to express her love for this man. Okay, I've listened to just about every classic En Vogue song two million times and this analogy might be wrong, but it's how I will look at the song for the moment.

Now that was the 90's where we prided ourselves on showing every emotion we had. Shoot, just about every song was emotional and sexual too. However, this is 2012 where K. Michelle has a popular mixtape called "0 Fucks Given." K. Michelle is a singer who is trying to secure her spot in the music industry and kill rumors from the past about her attitude and crazy habits. She's also struggling with an ex who thinks he made her just because he paid for some of her body parts (teeth and ass). To top it all off K. Michelle is on a popular and ratchet television show called "Love and Hip Hop Atlanta."

Before the "0 Fucks Given" mixtape dropped K. Michelle released a song called "Shut Up." This was supposed to shut down every negative opinion thrown at her. Upon hearing it I had high respects for her. I thought it took a very brave woman whose career thrives on our opinions to just tell everyone to shut the fuck up. However, I could never do that.
I used to try to shut everyone and everything out. Every success was a huge success. Every failure was written off as unimportant. Every mean comment thrown at me was put in a bottle and stored away in my mind. This way people would think that their words didn't bother me at all. Later on I dealt with the pain, but to the outside world I had no pain. It wasn't just the cruel words people said that hurt. It was also seeing groups of friends ready to tear someone down for saying something insulting about someone in the crew. My little loner self didn't have anyone defending me in that way. That was my fault though. It was all part of the act of pretending not to care.

In the midst of not caring I avoided building bridges. You know that saying "Don't burn bridges because you might need those people one day." I was afraid of the burning of the bridges part. When you upset people (or vice versa) they become real evil. I already had evil comments from people who barely knew me, so I didn't want to get too close to anyone just to feel the hate later on. Therefore I avoided building bridges.

That was long ago though. Now I try to build bridges and keep them up. I don't like the idea of losing really good friends and associates. I also try to do my best at every type of work I touch. Some might call it a perfectionist trait, but I really do care about what you all think. I give a fuck. I give a fuck for every single opinion out there. I take the opinions, try to discuss them, and figure out what I can do better. Whether it be my goals toward making money, pleasing friends, or trying to get a special man's attention I give a fuck.
I referenced En Vogue's song "Giving Him Something He Can Feel." It was about pleasing a man for his happiness and the woman's too. I'm taking the analogy of the song and applying it to caring what every single person thinks. Whatever opinion you have, I care about it. I give a fuck. In fact even though K. Michelle's mixtape is called "0 Fucks Given," after listening to it I came to the conclusion that she gives a fuck too. For her career and sanity's sake she has to.

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