Thursday, September 26, 2013

Sorry No Sandwiches, But 5 Ways To Get A Relationship Title Out Of Him

Somewhere in the world there is a woman counting her way up to 300 sandwiches and it's all for the pleasure of her man. He loves sandwiches. He's convinced her that at sandwich number 300 he will give her an engagement ring. How many sandwiches have you made for your significant other lately? Did that sandwich come with purpose? 

As good as that engagement ring would look, I need a man to get to the sandwich level. The real problem here is getting him to even want to take that leap from we met and like each other to him telling everyone I'm his girlfriend. The friends with benefits relationship is the story of my life. I haven't taken up every offer to just have sex, but the desire between my legs have been strong in some cases. However, the goal is not to spend the rest of my life alone. The goal is to meet the man of my dreams and live life happily ever after like in the movies. However, how do I make this happen? 

I've come up with some ways to seduce him into calling me his girlfriend to help move the process along faster. 

  • Cooking- There is a myth that food is the way to a man's heart. I tried cooking chicken for a man before, but he turned around and solidified a spot in the friend zone for himself. He's a good friend though. There was another man that I tried making cookies for, but he wanted another kind of cookie. Food might still work, but you have to find out what kind of food your man likes. Maybe he's happy with sandwiches. 

  • Cleaning-I always told myself that cleaning up after a man is for married couples. However, shacking up is so common now that it has become normal activity. So maybe I could clean up for him if it meant he would start claiming me in public. He would need to be one of those people that cleans the food out off the plate before putting it in the sink. Ugh, and he better not be one of those people that let his clothes pile up for months. I'm not cleaning clothes that's been dirty for almost a year. They are getting burned. Now if clothes get washed, it would be only one load and then I would be the woman in his life. Would you clean up after him just to be called his girlfriend? 

  • Sports- Four basketball or football games and he's mine to the rest of the world for a while. It doesn't matter whether it's watching them on television or going to the actual game. This would mean Facebook profile pictures, tweets about me, and he'd even have to list something about me on his LinkedIn. Obviously, you can tell I'm not that big of a sports fan. Oh, he would have to make some Facebook statuses referencing the girl of his dreams (me) too, because men hate doing that and the statuses make a huge statement. 

  • Public Events- Sooner or later he's going to go out, right? A man cannot want that much sex in the world without wanting to view the world with that woman. That is my reality and I'm sticking to it. I'm refusing any public events until he is completely ready to introduce me as his woman to any familiar faces we might come in contact with. A friends with benefits situation makes this part complicated, but the key is for us women to solidify the meaning of them relationship before the man does. 

  • Limiting The Sex- There is this saying that men notice the physical aspects of a woman before noticing how she thinks. Well, it's the same for women. We women are judging how cute these men are before we think about their intelligence. So let's just say he's Boris Kodjoe, Chad Ochocinco Johnson, or Kevin Hart (he's funny) fine and you start this super satisfying sexual relationship. After making that third time special, cut him off. He'll keep calling because it's good and we he does call tell him you are looking for more. A dumb man will look for the next woman to satisfy his physical needs, but if he is smart he'll beg to get to know you better. 

Now after finally being able to call him your boyfriend to the world the real fun starts. You can start making him do whatever you want. Wait, the real key is to get into a relationship with man that has the same interests as you. At least that's my real goal. He'll love poetry, vacations, horror movies, and he won't be a mama's boy. Then even if he wants sandwiches, it'll be something we have in common. I love eating them and it's working for the sandwich lady. She's at sandwich number 177, so she is doing a lot right. Check out her blog here


  1. pssh…. I’m married… a housewife and i refuse to clean up after my husband… my single girlfriends need to read this blog!

  2. LMAO! I have a "Boo Thang" and I will not be cleaning up after him. I cook (sometimes) and I will pretend to watch a game and that all that other good stuff. I wonder if I did his laundry would we get to the next level? Hmmmm...on second laundry!

  3. This was an awesome article and it is so true!