Thursday, May 8, 2014

#TheSkinImIn Self Esteem & Sexual Satisfaction

When a man puts it down just right birds are chirping in the middle of the night, flowers bloom in the middle of winter, the neighbors learn both our names, morning time comes before either of us can fall asleep, and cuffing season doesn't seem so bad. 

That is an exaggeration. When a man really gives you good ass sex you feel refreshed. You feel like you can achieve anything just because he made your night. However, when the sex is bad so many doubts run across your mind. Even when the sex is good and it continues to go on, it'll eventually get bad when the right components aren't there. I'm talking about really liking each other, having a relationship, creating a bond, and moving to new levels. 

It was a hot April day when I called him up. Let's just call him the convenient one. I was bored and had been driving around for a few hours, but was currently at a park. It was only the middle of the day and I wasn't ready to head back home. At the time I was still living with my parents, so I called the convenient one up. He just happened to be home and said I could come over. I had been single for a couple of months. It was the type of single where I was always solo and cool with it, but during that time my hormones were raging and I just needed to be around some testosterone. I actually didn't go to the convenient one's house to have sex. It just happened that way. But happened next was also something I didn't want. 

He wanted me to keep coming around. He was cool with it. However, I wasn't his type. He liked girls with long hair, were into anime, and liked to chill. I did have something he liked and that was a short stature. He liked short girls. But I wasn't the type that liked to sit around for fun and had a fetish for cutting my hair shorter and shorter. Plus I started to get real bored with seeing him. He wasn't offering me anything new or exciting and it was affecting my self esteem. What was wrong with the convenient one that he couldn't at least try to impress me? 

He was having a conversation with my best friend. We'll call him that fraternity guy. While they were talking they discussed everything from college majors to traveling and future career choices. They were having a real conversation, but I was crushing hard. She told me to talk to the frat guy and see where it could go. He gave me his phone number online and I called him. Two sentences into the conversation I was so nervous that I skipped all the important topics and brought up sex. Then we really had something to talk about. We made plans to meet up, but what the Hell? Did he only want me for sex? I had put myself in the situation. Was I only good enough for a moment or two? 

At the time I thought I wasn't even good enough for sex with him because we never even got to that point. The frat guy was too afraid to act on it. He made up some crazy excuse, but I knew he was afraid of messing with me on that level. This frat guy was actually a good guy. I took it as something being wrong with me though. 

The late night creep was my favorite, but not because of his personality. Between blogging and working odd hours, it didn't seem like I had time for dating. However, the late night creep was persistent and a night owl like me. We met up a couple times at different places before he invited me over to his house one night. What started out as normal conversation ended up as some great ass sex. What made it great was the fact that I was lost in the moment and didn't even care. It was out of the norm and something unordinary was what I need all the time needed at the time. We continued up until it no longer seemed spontaneous and fun. 

Well, the late night creep also said shit that irritated me. He would mention how he didn't want a relationship. I wasn't pressuring him. However, he wanted his ego stroked too much. I didn't want to say his name during sex. That was too personal. I also didn't want to fulfill fantasies he had. I used his requests as the way of ending it. As far as self esteem goes, the late night creep left me alone for a minute and then persisted to do some things that would make a good story line for an original Lifetime movie. He was only interested in me sexually, but wanted to try to ruin my state of mind because I was done with him. Dealing with him made me question my own sanity for a second, so I guess his actions worked. 

You make room for what you want. I'm pretty sure at this point that the key to sexual satisfaction and high self esteem is all about creating a bond, making that relationship official, and creating new levels to keep the romance fresh. At least getting involved with men just for sex isn't the answer. 

Do you have any stories that involve your self esteem being affected by sex? 


  1. I can relate. I have several stories related to self-esteem and sex. I am an open book, and sometimes can be a little too open and honest. I tend to get myself into situationships, in which a guy will tell me he doesn't want a relationship but I still decide to mess around with him anyways. I end up catching feelings and try my best not to wear my emotions on my sleeve. I always hear, "I really enjoy the friendship that we have but....." It hurts and it hurts bad! But I can't get mad at them, they told me they didn't want a relationship from the very beginning. It just sometimes make me feel like I am not good enough to be with, but great enough to sleep with. I recently took a stand and decided to be celibate. No more hurt feelings and situationships for me.

    1. Right, the late night creep was the last one I dealt with. I'm very hesitate towards men now. A background check would ease it, but I've been doing the celibacy thing too.