Monday, May 5, 2014

#TheSkinImIn Giving A Man Total Control Will Affect Your Self Esteem

I absolutely hate the idea of a man making me. I hate the idea that my success is dependent on a man always being there to guide my way and that I'm nothing without him. That's why reality television became a little too real during the 3rd installment of this season's Real Housewives of Atlanta Reunion.
As I stated in the Self Esteem Is Not Formed Out of Thin Air post, this month is dedicated to self esteem topics. So let's get the story out of the way before we get to the problem.

Phaedra and her husband must have had a major conversation before the taping of the reunion, because they teamed up to throw shade at Kenya. They threw so much shade that Kenya couldn't even respond. KENYA DID NOT RESPOND. However, Kenya's silence wasn't what had me shocked. It was what Apollo said to her. Apollo told her that she has no storyline and he made her. He also said if he goes to prison she needs to send him some money to add to his bank. He created a place for her in his mind and went straight below the belt with his attack. It's horrible when a man tells his wife that he made her. It's a whole new level of insanity when a man tells another woman while his wife is sitting next to him that he made her.

What is up with these men and ultimately needing control over everything and everyone ? I get the idea of letting a man be the head of the household. I even get allowing a man to think he's in control when you're really the one running things. I just struggle with the idea of a man trying to take all power away from a woman by using those words toward her.

I grew up and adopted a lot of family into my life. They weren't my blood, but they became family and one thing some of them didn't realize at first was that my dad wasn't my biological dad. I don't have one of those stories where I never knew my biological dad or he died when I was very young. He's very much alive and more than likely despises me. At least that's the rumor that's been handed over to me. Even without the rumor, I gave him a lot of my power as a youth.

I did what I thought I was supposed to do and that was communicate with him. However, after talking to him or attempting to I was always left feeling sad. When I did have his number I used to call him every single birthday. This was done for a couple years straight, but in 27 years I never received a call from him on my birthday. He'd either cut our conversations extra short because of the long distance bill or ignore my calls altogether. He rejected my high school graduation invitation before I could even give him an exact day it would be on. Do you see how a girl could feel hurt after all of this? But I'm not totally innocent.

At some point in college I became tired of giving my power away to these men. Whether my blood or some random guy, I was just tired. Lashuntrice had to be in charge of her life. So years ago my grandfather on that side of the family passed away and I had to be there. I called an uncle and asked to stay with him. I was no longer giving my biological dad the power to hurt me. He didn't even want to claim me in any way other than a last name anyway. However, I had to come in contact with him. He was hurting because his father had just passed. He was grieving and then on top of that he had to see daughters that he'd never bothered to raise. When we did speak for more than 2 seconds we ended up getting into an argument. I was so mad at myself, because I let him take me to an ugly place and once again snatch power away from me.

Last time I heard his voice he was very cold. I later heard a rumor that he was claiming I had told him I was not his daughter. While those words never came from me, it was a reminder that men have these damn control issues. Even when they don't do any positive shit for you, they want you to bow down to them. They want respect and admiration, but if you don't give them that then they'll try their best to make you feel horrible. I cannot support this.

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