Friday, October 24, 2014

No New Friends? (Friday Confession)

No New Friends? In six days I'll be 28 and one of the hugest lessons in the past couple years has been about friends. A couple years ago I was real frustrated about how everything surrounding me was going. In an attempt to really start figuring shit out, I stopped calling people.

At least I struggled to stop communicating with anyone and everyone. I'm the one that usually keeps in contact. By me keeping in contact, I can usually sleep at night saying certain people are still my friends. It was time for a change though. I had to stop depending on the voices of others to keep me sane. I stopped communicating with that guy I had been promising sex. I stopped checking up on people that never called me. I stopped calling people that did check up on me regularly. After moving out of my parents house I went months before I saw them again just to gain that peace of mind.

Outside of logging onto social media, I had to disconnect from everyone. I was upset with my achievements during that time. How could I be that old and still not where I had planned to be? Why did it only feel like one or two people were on my side? I had to step away from everyone else and get back in touch with Lashuntrice. No New Friends.

Before moving back to Houston I used to always tell people I needed new friends. I'd let them know I had no one to hang out with most of the time and needed to meet new people. At least I thought I did. After moving back to Houston I had the same mindset. I reconnected with some old friends, but desperately felt the need to meet and gain new friends. Just because you want it, doesn't mean it's meant to be. Only A Few Friends.

I don't trust easily, but when I do start to trust someone I love them hard. I'm that friend that'll get on someone's nerves because I'm too attached. I care too much. I'm afraid of losing the people that's become valuable to me. It's a good trait and a bad trait at the same time. It's also the reason why I've grown to appreciate only having a few friends.

I have a few friends that I can trust with my secrets (like I really reveal those), shed tears with, laugh with, and lift them up as much as they lift me up. Maybe there will be a few more new friends in the future, but I don't need them.

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