Saturday, October 1, 2011

Dating And "Talking" Are Essentially The Same Thing In The Name Of Finding Love

There's this phenomenon of "talkers." It occurs when two people get together. They both have extremely good chemistry. They have lots of conversations and even go out together a couple of times. Somewhere in the mix lust might hit. They may or may not have sex, but whether they do or not does not effect their chemistry. Throughout a period of time they continue to do what they call "talking." They call it talking because as great as their chemistry is, they are still not sure about taking their blossoming relationship to the next level. The next level could lead to titles (girlfriend/boyfriend, husband/wife) or children out of wedlock. The next level essentially leads to a huge commitment that each of them would have to give to each other. However, since they are forever confused about taking their relationship together and they desperately try to avoid titles to keep away bigger confusion, they tell the world that they're just talking.

Then there's the timeless saying that people like to use when they make a connection and want to get to know each other more. That saying is dating. Don't get it confused with going out on dates with a significant other. It's different. Dating is what two people do to get to know each other. They go on these dates to talk and connect. Dating is meant for these people to see if they have a real connection, and if they do then it's meant for them to take their connection to a higher level. During the period of dating people might discover a sexual attraction, mental attraction, or both. Or they might discover that they're wasting their time with the person. However, wasting time is a topic for another post. When the dating gets to a certain point, the relationship might progress to titles (boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife) or it could progress to shacking up and having kids. But during the period of dating there are no titles because both people are trying to decide whether they are right for each other.

If you actually read the above you'd probably realize that dating and "talking" are the same exact thing. They just have two names. The difference is dating is created to give the act that the two people are performing an actual name. Dating sounds logical when two people are getting together. However, to say you're just talking is a defense mechanism. Trust me because I know this. (That last line sounds like something Tyrese would write.)

I used to tell people that certain guys and I were just talking. I would say it out of fear. The fear would come from the fact that I wasn't even sure if those guys were telling others about me. In this generation there's a lot of other people's people going on, so it's hard to tell whether you're exclusive if it's not talked about right away. Therefore I would try to convince myself that I wasn't dating those guys. It never really worked, because after spending a certain amount of time with any of one them I would start catching feelings. Feelings are inevitable when it comes to getting close to someone.

So, therefore talking and dating are the exact same thing. One of the words would only get used to describe a relationship out of fear. You're probably wondering why I wrote this. Well, I felt like writing.

Examples Of Not Dating 
While those young people who are "talking" don't yet realized they are actually dating  yet, there are some people who think they're dating but they are really not. Here are some example of connecting with a cutie but not actually dating.

Texting All Day And All Night
If your only form of communication with that so-called far away (or same city) cutie is through text messages, then you are not dating. You have a pen pal.

Skyping To His Fineness
If you can only communicate with him through skype, then you're not in a relationship. You have a virtual friend. Virtual sex is not even real.

Group Dates
If you have only seen each other around groups of people, it means you hang in the same clique. You are not dating.

Up All Night Phone Conversations
If you have actually gone out to places with this person, met their friends, spent quality alone time with them then there's nothing wrong with being on the phone all night with them. However, if none of what was just mentioned happened but you stay up all night chatting you are not dating. You just have an audience.

P.S. My birthday is at the end of the month. No, I'm not a Halloween baby. October 30, 2011. Mark it on your calendars.

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