Friday, August 10, 2012

And He Found Her... #30in30 Double Up

In the midst of a moment someone had to snap a picture of the two of them kissing. He moved on and found her.

He was a guy I used to deal with. It would have been nice to call him my boyfriend, but the relationship didn't progress that far. In fact it wasn't even a relationship. More like something built out of desperation to not be alone for a moment's time. And then that moment ended.

I don't know about him, but I was left thinking what happened. Why couldn't he at least call to be cordial? Speak, dammit. I tried to speak on several occasions, but the biggest fear was getting no reply back. That happened sometimes. Then I stopped torturing myself all together. The sound of his voice and his text messages vanished.

He could have disappeared and then I could have played as if he never existed if it wasn't for the damn Facebook. His name is still on my friends list. It has been all along. Why is it there? Most of the men I used to deal with on that kind of level have managed to vanish as if they never walked the face of this earth. I don't run across their names on Facebook, twitter, LinkedIn, or anywhere on the street. They're gone, but he's still there and now he's kissing her.

The two of them kissing in some cute sickening couple picture doesn't bother me. Whatever I felt for him died along with those unanswered texts and the promises he never fulfilled. What bothers me is that while he's moved on, I'm still stuck in a the same single zone from a year ago. Only there's no man around for desperation. I'm just alone. Plus I don't know how to deal with it.

He, along with other men that have caught my attention and kept it for a minute, have found new chicks and are adding the titles all us girls want to have. I, on the other hand, am still trying to figure out what I do wrong to make these men not want me as their girlfriends. Am I difficult? Am I too caught up in my dreams? Is it that I don't cry enough? Lil Scrappy used that as one of his excuses for Erica. Is it because I'm short or am I not pretty enough? I really don't understand why in their eyes I'm always seen as less than the next girl.
I'm a really good woman. What do I have to do to get that Facebook/Instagram/Twitter picture kissing a man I'm in love with? Okay, I'm hopping out of my feelings now. This is weird. Despite the video of Da Brat above I just got through listening to a bunch of Plies songs.

Oh and this is a double up for the 30 in 30. I'm not writing Saturday.

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