Friday, June 6, 2014

Because She Needs Them More…

"Because she needs them more."

After having a big fallout with some girls I called friends at the time, I was devastated. The problem was really with one who had disrespected me to ultimate limits. Our initial fallout was because she felt I wasn't being a good enough friend. I'd only known her about a month and didn't fully trust her with my life anyway.

It would have been easy to forget her, except she kept showing her face in places she knew I would be. I introduced her to the girls I thought would be my friends for many decades to come, so there was no escaping this girl. She would even appear in my room to hang with my roommate when she felt like it. I could only take seeing this girl who had declared me a bad person for so long before I exploded with rage.

I'm not going to go into detail about what I did, but let's just say I have a temper and don't always want to control it. In an attempt to stand up for myself shit got crazy. Shit became so crazy that I found myself even more alone than before. Everyone took her side and decide I was a horrible person. I was a bad friend for not always being around. I was an even worse friend for telling her that the least she could do was stay out of my personal space if she already hated me. Yeah, that is a nice way of putting it.

So I was trying to figure out why they took her side instead of mines. What exactly did I do wrong to deserve the hatred I was getting? I called my grandma up and told her the whole situation. Her explanation was very simple.

"Because she needs them more."

Well, those weren't her exact words, but it was her explanation. She said the other girl needed them. She needed more people on her side. That raised more questions for me. Did I not need defending?

Years before I really did need the defensive, but no one came to my rescue. The first person I ever called my best friend turned out to be my worse enemy. She confessed to a teacher that she had thoughts of killing me. It got around to my mother and her only reasoning was to avoid the girl. How do you avoid someone that you attend school with? I tried ignoring her so much, but she wouldn't leave me alone initially. She would use every moment she saw me to throw insults. When that wasn't good enough, she had her friends prank call my parents house. It was some real bad harassment. Instead of understanding, my parents became mad at me because these girls were "playing on their phone." Since no one was willing to stand up for me, I just had to wait it all out. However, I often wondered why no one came to my rescue. Why did no one attack her the way her friends were attacking me? Did she need them more?

Sometimes the other person in the situation does need someone on their side more. Sometimes I just have bad timing when it comes to people that don't like me harassing me. I don't know.

At times I'd like to think of myself as very self-sufficient in the emotional department. I imagine I'm this strong individual right up until something happens. It could be frustrations at the job or some crazy people expressing their unwanted opinion on social media. Then I have to vent to whoever will listen first. This is how anyone can realize they are emotional and need that support.

For a while I tried to internalize the thoughts of others needing that support more. I wanted to think they deserve it so much, but that would mean I don't deserve anyone to be there for me. I deserve the emotional support and also to be defended just as much as anyone else.

This is post is dedicated to the girl who is feeling alone right now and someone has told her that others need the support more. Don't be confused. You need it too.

Forgive me for any mistakes. I don't feel like re-reading this.

No comments :

Post a Comment