Sunday, May 12, 2013

Sunday Reflections: Opening Up More And Tossing Out The Myths

"No one cares. Keep your dreams to yourself. If you don't tell anyone, they can't shoot your goals down. Don't cry in front of me. Don't show any emotions. Bottle all the shit up. People will steal your work if you expose it. Everyone is too busy. No one wants to pay attention to you. Sheds your tears in a corner by yourself. Don't talk to me." 

The quotation marks are relative. Everyone has heard some form of negativity. Everyone has been ignored at some point in time. This is especially true if you are a black person. No one ignores the important talents or moments more than black people. No one ignores these things more than the people  who say they care about you. If you grew up like me, you already know. 

They will provide you with food and shelter, but when you're good at something they ignore it. They pretend your skills are not a priority, especially if those skills aren't making quick money. 

They pretend important moments in your life don't matter that much. 

Like the first time someone bullies you. They get mad if you hit back, but also get mad if you shed a tear. They tell your to keep everything bottled up. 

Like if you have a very good writing talent, or you're falling in love with the thought of being a writer. They feed you with a whole bunch of stuff to make you afraid to express yourself. Or was that just me? Unlike my younger siblings I was told not to express myself on the internet, or any other form. When they started noticing I loved to write, they told me not to reveal it because someone might steal my work. They didn't even take the time to see if it was good work. 

I'm trying to get rid of the myths. For so many years I thought hiding my talent was better than showing it to others. Initially I thought it might get stolen. After reading so many talented writers' work, I started to think no one would want to acknowledge my skills. Am I even good enough? The first time I ever cried because of someone's opinion, I didn't receive encouragement or love. Anger was thrown back at me. I thought the right way to go was to keep everything bottled up. 

I'm learning to release. Release my skills to the world. How will anyone know that I have skills if they stay hidden? Reveal my pain. The only way to move on from the pain, is to talk about it. Get rid of the myths. Someone, or a group of people, out in the world care. Someone will agree. Someone will disagree and offer real criticism. Someone...

I should be writing about Mother's Day. Everyone else is giving praise to mothers. However, sometimes the focus can't be on what is popular. 

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