Sunday, April 8, 2012

Sunday Reflections: Remembering A Year Ago

A year ago April was something else. There were good moments, bad moments, and moments I don't remember anymore. However, as far as expressing those moments go they are forever embedded on this blog. So for today's post I decided to see what exactly was going on in my life April of last year.

My very first post of April 2011 talked about how cool it is to have sex with someone you barely know. Get all the nasty heaux thoughts out of your mind. This post was about bravery. There are certain things that people can do that are so brave. Having sex with people you barely know is one of those ways of being brave. That month was actually a very hormonal month for me, but it was also one where I was losing the fight in being a brave ambitious woman.

Within that fight, I was also trying desperately to figure out how to get back to the girl I used to know. That girl was the shy girl that could keep all secrets to herself. The advice came from Mariah Carey, who years ago would not reveal her bedroom to us on MTV Cribs. It was her way of hiding a part of herself. I'm still struggling to stay in touch with the secretive girl. The girl that tells all gets hurt too often.

Okay, so I was sharing a lot, including a major achievement in my life. Well, if you ask Wendy Williams this is an achievement. I bought a wig for the very first time. There was some criticism and some people thought it was cute. The wig was a step in the direction of change. It was only a baby step.

Wigs, great outfits, criticisms and compliments contradicting each other lead to a poem called Ghetto Girl. Did you know I was a poet and this moment is National Poetry Month? So I wrote the poem. You should read it.

By the end of that month so much with relationships alone had taken place that I was irritated by the thought of ex boyfriends. The one ex boyfriend at the time was becoming super irritating and our "friendship" had to end. I hate when people do stuff and then try to make me feel guilty about their choices.

What was just written is not just a reflection. It is also to see how far I've come. As of now I'm single so there is no man stressing me out. When I do happen to get into a relationship, I dream it will be like the connection that one of my best friends has with her husband. As far was wigs go, I've upgraded. I went from a new natural to dying my hair burgundy. The privacy part is still a work in progress. I'm not sharing as much of myself anymore, so it's gotten better. And finally for the bravery part.

I'm much braver than I was a year ago. Where was your life at a year ago? Do you see changes?

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