Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Spending The Holidays Alone

Who wants to be alone on a holiday? Me, that's who. It's not a forever loneliness. Hopefully it's not a loneliness that will last for years. It's just something I feel compelled to do right now. Be alone during the holidays.

See, as a kid I had to be at the family functions. Even if no one spoke to me, I had to sit for hours, grab some of the food, and patiently wait for it to be over. Actually I remember the holiday when the movie Training Day had come out on DVD. Everyone else my age and younger was watching it, so I went in to watch it too. That was better than sitting alone and waiting. However, almost as soon as we started my parents dragged me away and I was left to sit alone again. I was old enough to watch it, but they didn't trust me. There are so many other holidays where family members did speak, but not for long.

My silence was for many reasons. Some of them thought I was weird. For some reason a kid that wants to read and write is considered weird by adults and other kids. It's not until you become an adult that it is respected.

Some of them thought I was too young. Maybe it was because of my love for reading, but my mind was far beyond my age as a child. I didn't want to engage in kid conversations. I wanted to talk with the grown folks about politics I didn't understand, craziness on the news, and whatever else they talked about. However, they pushed me away because of my age.

Some of them thought I was too old. Most of my cousins are younger than me. I babysat them. I demanded respect from them. Eventually I grew apart from them. Even with the ones around my age, there is a real disconnect now.

Honestly, spending time with the people I grew up with is the farthest thing on my mind. It probably should be the closest and most dear thing. One day people are here and they next day they're gone. I'm not concerned with that. I'm all about creating new experiences and going new places at this point. Even if it means means spending the holidays alone, that's my life.

One day I'll meet my perfect man and the holidays won't be lonely anymore. We'll bond and create our own special celebrations. We'll be a family. Until then I'm enjoying my alone time.

No comments :

Post a Comment