Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Miss Sexual Intellectual: Breaking Through The Comfort Zone Is Tough

Breaking Through The Comfort Zone Is Tough
(Coming From A Sexual Intellectual Amateur)
Yesterday I had a guest blogger who wanted to talk about her comfort zone and how journalism is effecting it. Well, work isn't the only thing that can force you out of your comfort zone.  Relationships do too. Whether it's a friend, family member, or person you're having sex with the limits you put on yourself are going to be pushed. But the shit can get really tough. Especially when it comes to SEX!!!

Sex is whatever you make it. It's really not about your partner (unless the sex is horrible). You make sex fun, interesting, challenging, and worth exploring. However, sex will test the limits of your comfort zone. For example if you're having sex with a person, but you're not in a relationship with them, countless emotions will run through your brain.

Well if you absolutely hate the person you're sexing the emotions might not come to you. However, if there's a mutual attraction you'll think of so many things like:

  • Am I doing the right thing?

(See if you really like the person you'll more than likely start to want a real lovey dovey butterflies in the stuff late night phone calls early morning texts just to say "I love you" type of relationship)

  • How far should we go?

(If he's not your man  (or she's not your woman) you'll wonder how far to go. Should you just go all out and have that rough can't walk once it's over type of sex? Well that's us women of course. Should you do it nice and slow like Usher's song. Should the sex be in random places? See, once the sex gets wild and good enough it will no longer be a friendship, but it still won't be a relationship.)

  • Does he like me?

(I can't help but write in a girl's point of view. In the beginning you know he likes you because he shows all the signs. He may just want to fuck, but he calls, texts, and wants to see you regularly. However, eventually it goes from regular calls and texts to just texts leading to sex. So you start to wonder does he even like you.)

  • Should I do hoe activities?

(Yes at 24 I've decided to stop calling women hoes. Instead some of us women do hoe activities. This comes up because if it's just about sex you may question whether you should get with other men. After all, you don't want to make a "friend with benefits" your main priority. That will happen if he's the only one you're giving yourself to.)

  • Should I give myself to him?

(When you're having sex with him you're already giving a part of yourself to him, but you start to wonder if you should give me. Lately I've discovered that men actually listen when you talk to them. So when he asks you about work, should you tell him how much you love or hate it? Should you cry in front of him when he asks what's bothering you? Should you tell him your life story when he asks? Some men are just too fucking nosy and they really don't need (or want) to know once it's too late.

  • Should I be happy to see him?

(Boyfriends and husbands love to see emotions coming from you. Apparently "friends with benefits" do too. But if you're only having sex with him should you be happy to see him? Should you show that happiness? This is one I still haven't figured out. Showing emotions makes him seem like more than a guy you're just having sex   with and then comes the emotions that really complicates things and makes it seem like more than what it is.)

  • Is he still a friend?

(Friends can discuss anything. However, friends don't have sex. That's written in the "unwritten" women's handbook.)

Should I talk to him about my thoughts?
(Once the talk comes up both you and him know you're in trouble. Only couples have talks. Talks lead to answers you might not be ready for.)

Recently I was with a man. The minute he started to touch me the nervousness crept in. He could tell I was nervous too, but he didn't know why. I'm guessing he probably thought that I was insecure, but it went deeper. The questions started to pop into my head. See I've known him for a while, but ever since we had sex I could tell things have changed. I don't even want to call him a friend anymore, but there's nothing else left to call him. He's not a boyfriend or husband. Even though he's the only guy at the moment, I did tell my friends I feel like I'm doing hoe activities.

When you have sex with someone who's not a boyfriend or husband a part of the comfort zone is already being broken. However, answering those questions that pop up in your mind really messes with the comfort zone. Acting on those questions breaks the comfort zone and it's tough. You're not just affecting your own mentality. Your playing with the mentality of the man that you're fucking, which makes your own comfort zone that much harder to break through.

So do you think breaking through the comfort zone is as hard as I'm making it sound? Have you tried the friends with benefits relationship before?

(Written by a girl who's battling with the two F's)

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