Wednesday, May 4, 2011

My Inspirations Now Aren't The Same As A Year Ago

I've changed and disappointed some people along the way. Well, there have also been some people that never agreed with my thoughts. However, whether they agreed or not, I've changed since then. My inspirations aren't the same. My goals are similar, but I've stumbled upon new loves.

My love for reading started when I was a kid. I read just about every R. L. Stine book and every other book that the other kids were reading. My parents wouldn't let me read the "grown-up" books just yet. The first black author I fell in love with was Sharon G. Flake. At the time I owned all of her books and continually re-read "The Skin I'm In." The emotions in her books were so raw that I was inspired. At that time I knew that people would feel whatever I put down on paper or on a computer. Every now and then I still pick up "The Skin I'm In" but my mind has grown a lot since then.

Another inspiration when I was a  kid was Linda Lorelle. She was the first person to make me fall in love with journalism. I can still remember watching her on the news. At the time I thought hard news was all there was to do if I became a journalist, but she made it look like an interesting career. Sometime after I went off to college she stopped anchoring. I also discovered there was more to life than hard news.

Believe it or not another one of my inspirations as a kid was Lil Kim. I admired her because she was free. She had a great sex appeal, said whatever was on her mind, and was admired by many. Well, she was hated by many too but that didn't matter to me. I thought she was cool because she was being herself even with all the negativity. Trying to keep my feeling from getting hurt easily was a huge struggle for me back then. Wait, let's not forget that the words in her song was raw. Rawness is something that every writer strives to have.

Since then a lot has happened. My inspirations have changed and I've definitely disappointed some people. For example I went to college with the idea of working in a news station. CNN was one of those networks on my mind. It's really still an option. However, I discovered other types of journalism that interested me more.

There's a huge world of entertainment journalism. An example is E! Network. The people on the network and even at the news stations look so relaxed. They even have fun with the news stories while still staying professional. I'd love to work for E! Network one day, but behind the camera.

Then there's professional blogging. Before college I couldn't even get on Myspace. My mom was too nervous about any kind of social network. However, I had to break out of the fear she had put in me. First I got on Facebook. Then I joined a few other social networks just to be connected. Then the big test came. That was putting one of my poems online.

As I was growing up I was always told to stop repeating everything I hear. I also heard others talking about how bad the internet was and how people shouldn't be on there. Then I got a dose of reality and was hit with new people who inspire me.

While I do believe there should be a certain kind of internet etiquette, I also know it's okay to express yourself. I'm seeing professional bloggers get paid full time salaries to say whatever is on their mind and I'm addicted. My biggest current role models are Joy Daily (, Necole Bitchie (, Blogxilla (, and recently I've became addicted to the writers on There are many other blog I check, but these are my main addictions and inspirations.

My blog didn't look this way a year ago and a year ago it didn't look the same as when I first started writing. At one point I thought I had to talk a certain way and look a certain way to make it into the journalism profession. Truthfully that's the only profession I've ever focused on.

I know I've disappointed some people. I still remember the fist time people laughed at my poetry. It was garbage, but I was young and still learning. I also remember the first time someone was disappointed or surprised at something I put online. Plus I can remember the first time I purposely hid in a corner (figuratively) and someone found me just so they could complain.

However, I can't please everyone but I can continue to be inspired. My inspirations will continually change as time goes on, but my goal will ultimately stay the same. I'll change, but my heart will stay the same.

(Disclaimer: This is a bunch of random thoughts)

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