Sunday, August 26, 2012

Sunday Reflections: What Am I Afraid Of? #30in30

What is there to be afraid of? 

Today I went to do an inventory of the place I'll be living at in less than a week. Most of it looked good, but there were a few problems. The kitchen light needed changing and the microwave was broken. They're minor problems, but upon seeing them I instantly became afraid. What if I messed up and signed the lease to a horrible apartment? What if it's the start of more issues to come? Did I make the right decision? 

Then there were the sinks in the bathrooms and kitchen. They've been covered with paper, so I haven't looked at them. A fear is keeping me from looking. What if the sinks are in horrible condition? What if the water runs horribly? I tested out the toilet and it was just fine. Then I quickly surveyed the rest of the house a couple times. Everything looked good. There was no reason to worry, but I did. That's not the only worry that's gripped my mind lately. 

There's also this fear of never meeting a man that's compatible to me. See I have a job, a car, and about to have my own place. But that companionship is missing. I don't know if I'm ready for a full blown relationship, but having a man around to talk to and cuddle up with would be very nice. I'm afraid that maybe he does not exist though. They say that after so many experiences maybe it's not the other people anymore. Maybe you're the problem. So I keep thinking that maybe there is something about me that keeps me single. Could that be it? 

In the midst of moving, buying furniture, calling energy companies and cable companies I've been excited and overwhelmed at the same time. In fact all of these emotions make me wonder if my fear is legitimate. Could I just be getting worked up over nothing? By Friday it'll probably all die down. I'll be able to breathe easy, right? Or will new fears pop up? 

I'm trying to work on getting rid of all these fears, so the happy moments can shine through more effectively. After all I'm moving into my very first one-bedroom apartment. They apartment complex calls it a loft. 

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