Saturday, June 4, 2011

My First Choice Always Wins-- Star Status Thoughts

My first choice always wins. Do you ever spend an hour or more just looking for an outfit to wear? You have the cute outfit in mind and pull it out, put in on, and then change your mind. For an hour or more you pull out outfit after outfit getting dressed. Finally after wasting so much time you go back to the original outfit. What? You don't. Well, I do. I liked to refer to it as creating an organized mess. I have my mind made up in the beginning, something distracts me, and it take me way too long to get back on track. However, my first choice always wins., but this doesn't just apply to getting dressed.

It goes for getting dressed, deciding what to eat, deciding where to hang out at, and choosing my life long goals. Some of those things are easy to mentally ignore, but then choose later. Others, such as goals, are not. Having a goal is the most important thing in the world to a young person. Well, actually figuring out how to fulfill that goal is to the absolute most important thing. At least that what society tells us.

Society says choose a goal and make it happen fast. If you want to be a doctor go to school, get that degree, and start working right away. If you want to be an engineer waste no time surrounding yourself around people in the field. If you want to work in a bank, what are you doing serving food in a restaurant? You get my point. If a goal can't happen right away you're supposed to abandon it for a plan B, C, and maybe even D. Anything that will bring in money, pay the bills, and drown out the depressing realization that you're not where you want to be.

But unfortunately my first choice always wins. After originally falling in love with the thought of being a writer (didn't matter what kind) I set up different plans. There was a singer (but no talent), lawyer (but great at arguing), artist (but couldn't draw or paint for shit), English teacher (but not patient enough), and counselor (but I have a love/hate relationship with people). After trying to figure out how to become all of those somehow writing wondered back into my brain. Truthfully I never stopped writing throughout it all. It's my sanity (whether I'm getting paid or not but shhh on that fact).

At some point in my life this goal took over my brain and gave me no other choice. Well maybe it was my conscience talking to me, or successful writers accidentally inspiring me, or it could have been that "fake" gun I put to my head when I mind tried to wander off to other ideas for goals. It may have been the fact that I discovered this gift when I felt totally alone and had no one to talk to and in a way I still feel that way quite frequently. Can't explain it, but it's an addiction.

I don't know what it is, but this shit has always won. In fact the idea of doing anything else depresses me. Although it seems as if the shit isn't moving along fast enough. This gift that God blessed me with is not bringing in the big bucks, paying any bills, or allowing me to solitude I long for (if only you could read my mind). It's society's pressures to that has put plan B, C, or even D in my mind. The plans keep changing, but in the end I know they will fail. Plan A, this shit that I love so much, will win. It always does.

(This post was inspired by a successful blogger who stated in her bio that she has no Plan B. Instead she's risking everything to make sure she doesn't waste her chance to be successful at what she wants. After all it could be her one shot and we should really all have that mentality. Her name is Lidia Anain. Check her out, because she's a good writer and her life is pretty damn interesting.)

Actually there is a plan that doesn't always win. That's the relationship plan. You can choose your career path, but you can never go back to the first, second, or third love. You can only pray for that someone becomes the right and long lasting choice. Damn....

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