Monday, August 26, 2013

Advice About Men No One Ever Gave Me #31WriteNow

Someone will always think it's my fault when a man does wrong.

This is some advice I had to learn the hard way. It was shocking. I was so caught off guard when I learned how protected a man really is that all I could mutter was "What About Me?" See I learned this several years ago around this same time.

 I was 20 and was experimenting with online dating sort of. No, it wasn't eHarmony or any of those other internet sites that you have to pay to use. It was on Facebook. I wasn't looking for lust (or love) via Facebook, but this guy caught my attention. He was cute, light skinned, and had just started growing dreads. He was also approximately a year and a half younger than me, but that didn't matter. Because he was interested in me, I was interested in getting to know him. So when I gave the okay we proceeded.

In the process I found out we had some friends in common. One of those was my best friend. He had the same major as her so they'd met in a class. Another was a girl that stayed in the same dorm as me freshman year. Even though I was getting to know him, I felt better if I talked to someone that knew him to get a better judgment. So I picked the girl I knew from the dorms. While she was cool, she wasn't so friendly.

Upon talking to her about her male friend, she started grilling me.

"What are your expectations with him? "
"That's my homeboy. You better treat him right."
"You better not hurt his feelings."

So much was said, I really don't remember it all anymore. I just remember being shocked. He was a man. In the movies everyone always shows affection for the woman. Her feelings matter. Her body matters. What will happen next is most important for her? However, this girl didn't give a damn about my feelings. She was trying to protect him as much as possible.

There was also another time I was approached by a friend about a guy. She asked if I was flirting with someone else's boyfriend. It was again another shocking moment. Why was she confronting me? He approached me at a party that his girlfriend was also at. She needed to be putting him in check. But No! I was the one being confronted.

I talk to friends about the men, or man of the moment, I'm dealing with, but I never go into too much detail now because of this lesson. I want them to know what's happening, but candle handle them criticizing me.

I know I'm not the bad girl in every experience I have with a man, but the fact is someone is blaming me. Someone is waiting for me to mess up. Someone is telling him he can do a whole lot better. Why did no one inform me of this lesson when I was growing up?

No comments :

Post a Comment