Sunday, August 25, 2013

Am I Really Different? #31WriteNow (Sunday Reflections)

I used to think I was different.

It was definitely a learned mindset. Growing up while everyone else was very talkative, it only took a couple people to repeatedly tell me I was a quiet person. As much as I talked to close friends, I began to believe I really was quiet.

During those childhood years where I'd either be writing or reading, I believed others who called me weird for it. They weren't writing or reading for entertainment. They were hanging out with friends all the time, playing video games, and gossiping. Yeah, I was the weird one.

I wanted to be more like the other kids growing up. I wanted to go to every birthday party, experience my first club with close friends I'd grown up with, and be apart of the gossip. I wanted those sexual experiences all the other teens were having and talking about. In college I wanted to be able to plan the luxurious vacations away like everyone else. But someone had made me believe this label that I was different from everyone else.

I didn't deserve the vacations because of lack of money. Who keeps putting off fun because of no money? I wasn't having a lot of sex because someone had labeled me a good girl. But does that make everyone else bad? I didn't get the club experiences or birthday party invites because I was told maybe those girls weren't my friends. How was I supposed to know if I was isolated away from them? Instead I isolated myself to writing and reading. According to some folks that made me different.

As I look around at almost 27 years a lot has changed. I'm not alone in my reading and writing. A lot of people do those. I still don't know who all my friends are because everyone isolates themselves from each others lives. It's normal for people to brag about how they ignore the people close to them, but still want to be nosy. I'm having sex just like everyone else. There's nothing different about that. I'm definitely not the only picky person in the world. I still lack in the funds to do everything I put my mind to, but there are some traveling memories hidden away in my mind. Now when others talk about where they've been, I can add to the conversation. It makes me fit in.

So am I really different from anyone else? I never set a goal to stand out and fitting in isn't as bad as it sounds.

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