Friday, July 5, 2013

Relating To Being Mary Jane

Via Necole Bitchie
This past Tuesday Gabrielle Union's new series Being Mary Jane premiered in the form of an hour and a half movie. Being Mary Jane is about a news anchor who juggles dealing with her family problems, over-working herself on the job, and creating a love life in the form of sexing married/non-committed men. On top of it all she has self-esteem issues that she is left on her own to sort through because she's too busy trying to fix everyone else's problems. Even more, Mary Jane represents a lot of us hard-working women.

She definitely represents me. Watching the character Mary Jane was like watching a short movie about my own life-style.

No, I haven't had sex with a married man, but with the way things are going it could happen. I work full time. When I'm not on the 9-5 I'm working on making my brand bigger, or reading, or searching for new information to write about. Plus there are times where I happen to meet a man, or a man from my past pops up.

It's chemistry at first sight, even though I try to hold back. I definitely try to avoid anything from happening. What these men don't realize is I can tell what they want from me from the start. I can tell it's just sexual. What's hard to tell is if they're really single, can grow past the sexual chemistry, or a couple months later will still be hitting me up just for sex. The funny part is these men act like they don't understand my hesitation. A man not looking for a commitment knows he will disappear right after he gets what he wants. He also recognizes women are emotional creatures and I will be longing to see more of him. But wait...

After I drop the hesitation I know what I'm getting into. I practically ask for that man at the time to use me for his sexual needs. I long for him to teach me new sexual tricks. Then I tell myself when I feel like my emotions are getting too deep in the situation I end it. Although that's not the easiest thing in the world to do, especially when emotions are there.

It's hard to recognize where the emotions come from. He's not there when I need him. I can't talk to him about my problems with frienemies, stress on the job, or where I see myself five years from now. We don't talk about our long-term relationship, marriage, or future kids. What exactly are these emotions about?

Maybe that's what brings me to tears sometimes. I'm not sure why I feel the way I feel, so I end up crying. Then after the tears have dried up I'm just numb. I don't know where to go from there. Do I wait for his next phone call? Do I change my phone number to avoid ever hearing from him again? Or do I just sit up in my apartment by myself with the lights off staring at the television for hours? The questions are endless. Yet, I continue to put myself through it. Old habits are hard to break.

See, look what Gabrielle Union and this Being Mary Jane premiere made me think of. I can't wait until the series actually starts. I'll be tuned in. Will you?

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