Friday, July 26, 2013

The Twitter Break-Up (How Did This Happen?)

Well, actually it was never a relationship and it was barely public. This weirdo guy just loved to hit up my direct messages. However, sometime after his first tweet to me he caught feelings, but then by that last direct message I hurt his feelings. I told him I would never tell anyone about him, so we'll just call him the twitter guy.

It all started with one of my many rants about the frustrating struggle to success. I do these often, because twitter is where we air out our feelings. Plus, success is what everyone aims for, right? I've always felt that the best way to get everyone's attention was by revealing my inner thoughts. It hasn't always been easy. I've also realized that not everyone cares. But I do care. So on this particular day I was showing how passionate I care about moving my life to a new level. Well I was thinking of plans to push my life forward when he sent the most interesting tweet. His tweet was that we should do a sex tape. A Sex Tape???? Yeah, that was his plan to help me get famous.

It did work for Kim Kardashian. It worked for a short time for Paris Hilton. Karrine Steffans wrote a book on all the celebrity men she had sex with, but we see what kind of label it left on her. I'm not the type to take the road of the less dressed, so I thought it must be some kind of a joke. The twitter guy wasn't joking.

In my joking mood I told him to send me his qualifications for doing this sex tape. Who is he? What does he do for a living? How could he elevate my career? What was he working with underneath those clothes? This was all very public. He wasn't the type to answer these questions in public, so he jumped in my direct messages. He confused me at first. Remember, I thought it was a big joke. He realized my playful mood, so to get me to focus he fed me a fantasy right away.

Let's call it the "Eat You For Breakfast" fantasy. I like rough sex, but he didn't want that. He wanted to work me slowly and make me feel real good. A lot of details were lacking, but it was his fantasy. He also wanted to he me from from the back. Is it every man's fantasy to stare at the back of a woman's head while he's pumping his dick in and out of her? Then he got to the part he thought I would like. He wanted to put me to sleep just to wake me up the next morning and eat me out for breakfast. Hmm..

I wasn't in love. I wasn't even really in like, but this twitter guy was leaving thirst in my direct messages for the moment. At least my naive ass thought it was only for that one moment.

He messaged me a lot after that. One of those times he called himself asking for pictures. I didn't want to see any naked photos to this stranger, but since he requested I sent my own request. It was of a dick picture. Then again, I'm not even sure if I requested. I think he suggested in exchange of some pictures of me. But he was so thirsty he sent one.

His penis was small, or maybe the camera made it seem that way. Who knows. Well, he did. After sending his picture, his insecurities started showing. He thought it was small, but he knew how to work with it. He didn't think he was cute, even though his face was his twitter avatar. He said he had never been in a relationship before, but he's had a lot of sex. What The Hell?

I didn't know what to do with all of this information. Should I stroke his ego? I threw little compliments at him to make him feel better. He was already too far gone. Should I send him some pictures? I sent a few. They weren't completely naked photos and I kept my face out of sight. I should have pulled a naked white woman off the internet and sent that to him instead. His response to my photos was very pervert-ish.

He wanted more than direct messages. I asked if he had a phone number. He claimed he didn't own a cell phone. He wanted to do video chats, but it wasn't exciting anymore. He still wanted to see me for some reason. I didn't know how that was going to happen.

We both live in two different places way across the country from each other. We've never seen each other and I've watched too many episodes of Catfish to take a risk. I've also studied too much of the news, watched too many movies on Lifetime, and realized just how crazy people really are. I didn't trust him, but not just because of all I just named. His obsession with physical relationships also creeped me out. I'm all about intellectual conversation and he was getting on my last fucking nerves. No woman who wants to be taken seriously is going to be willing to only have sexual conversations with some man, but I didn't tell him that.

Instead he found out I'd be hours away from him vacationing/going to a conference in Harlem. He suggested that after we should meet up at a hotel and get things popping. For real, this dumb ass thought I'd spend my hard earned money on a one-night stand in a hotel room somewhere on the North side of the United States with him. I rejected his idea and he became mad. Somewhere in his twisted mind, he thought my trip to NYC was all bout him. I tried to get him to think reasonably, but this dumb ass dude finally came to the conclusion that I wasn't interested in him all along. Then he claimed I was just like the other women that rejected him and that was the last I heard from him.

Soon he un-followed me on twitter and I don't even care to look at his page now. See, since we never met it's not a real break-up, but it is one Hell of a twitter break-up.

Damn, I need a real date to forget about this mess.

1 comment :

  1. Girl he was trying to be your catfish.