Sunday, December 5, 2010

Sunday Reflections (Miss Independent Not)

Over the last couple of months I've been fighting for control of my life. Many people might read this and say "You're always in control of your life," but that's not true. I've always had to depend on someone. Before I turned 18 the law stated that my parents had control over me. They controlled my finances, my education, my fun, and anything else that happened in my life. After I turned 18 and left for college in many ways they still controlled me. I needed them in order to pay off college tuition, have extra money to eat, sleep comfortably, afford school books, and have a little fun on the side. After I graduated college (in a perfect world) I was supposed to apply and receive the perfect starter job, move into a cozy one-bedroom apartment, and possibly have a nice respectable boyfriend. Instead I ended up moving back with my parents and falling into their control once again.

This job market is hard, so I have no choice but to depend on them. However, as I said before I've been fighting for control of my life. I don't have a steady income, so I fight to be able to do whatever I want with the little bit of money I have. I also fight to choose the places I want to go, because I haven't seen a full tank of gas in my car since the first time it was filled. I fight to sleep for as long as possible, because when I'm wake all I can think about is the job search and getting money. My biggest fight is to have fun.

Fun is something I've always been told I would start to have once my life was together. Well, every time I've tried to have fun in this disorganized society things have not gone in my favor. Right about now it seems like if I continue to wait until my life is completely together I'll be dead before I discover what the roses smell like. Then again could the people trying to control my life be the ones blocking me from having fun and enjoying myself?

Every time I go to church the preacher talks about trials and tribulations that follow us through our lives. I'm not doubting that these trials should happen. I'm just mad at this one obstacle in my life, control. I want to stop fighting. I want the blessings that I deserve to start flowing. I want to be on my own and handling my own. I want to be Miss Independent.

Miss Independent may not have a perfect life. I've heard rumors of her getting only a few hours of sleeping and stressing from all the bills she has to pay. However, she's in control.

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